I let myself get adrift in hating you. Pitying you is equally dangerous. Are you brainwashed or just fucked up? Never have I known anyone so out of touch. So incapable of touch. I cannot fool myself by thinking that you have ever loved me. I just enchanted you, temporarily. If this is not true, you'll have to prove me otherwise. What more can I say? I am very disappointed. And I must calm down, live with it.
Walking on the street, I tried to formulate my requests to you:
Now you are on the phone with your aunt. I hear the way your voice goes up and down. Everything we do from now on, I want to do step by step. I do not want to deconstruct as fast as we constructed 'our life together'. From my side, I still love you. It feels as if I have no other option for living. I am asking to be dead, when I let you go voluntarily. I desperately want a 'normal' life with YOU. I just can't see an afterlife. Please come back to me. Despite my fear, my anger, my hate, I did not stop loving you, nor did I stop hoping for a life with you.
(C) Æliens 2005
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